PPR Presents: Nintendo's Closet Furry

he Mustachioed knight in overalls is making his second appearance on the Wii U, but don’t expect to see him in his overalls considering he’ll be—get this, dressing up like a cat. Yeah... strange right? See and that’s the thing, it’s really NOT all that strange when you think about it; we’re seeing an icon openly fetishizing and it’s skirting the point to where he might start hooking up with Craiglist ads in between all the self-inflicted heavy petting to DeviantART.

We all know Mario has always had some sort of identity crisis through his career. Whether he’s a doctor who gave away pills like free kittens in front of Walmart, or recklessly barreling down the speedway in his go-kart like Shia LaBeouf driving home from a night of binge-drinking, he’s never really done any plumbing. The one consistent behavior we can associate with the jumping legend is his love to get primal with animal costumes, and I think it’s time he comes clean with it. I mean, there’s nothing to be ashamed of Mario -- we totally understand. College Humor may have had the jump on us, but we’re here with open paws to accept all of the proverbial animal skeletons of our hero’s closet and let him know “Hey man, it’s cool if that’s your thing, just don’t be weird about it.”

The following is evidence that will illustrate the gradual buildup of veritable evidence that confirms our suspicions that the Red and Blue Italian is a full-blown furvert.

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